Most of my working life I've encountered people with strong personalities who push me around and I just take it. Then others tell me I should stand up for myself, but that's easier said than done. I'm also very passive at times, but I've taken a liking to my passiveness in some cases. One example would be that someone with a stronger personality told me to get something for them. I didn't hear him very well and asked him to repeat himself. Due to his refusal to pay attention to what I was saying, he didn't answer. So, instead of going out of my way to ask again what he said, I just ignored it like he ignored me. He got upset that I was just ignoring his request and brought it to my attention, to which I calmly told him that if he had been paying attention to me, he would have realized that I hadn't heard him.

Anyway, the person I'm having issues with is myself. The person who is indirectly bringing these issues to my attention is a man named Monte, whom I work with. He is in his late 40s and I'm 23. He is someone who everyone says thinks himself to be the boss. I usually get along pretty well with him. I can look at him objectively and see that he really just wants things to be efficient and for the work to be of good quality and to be done in a timely fashion. However, he is normally very abrupt about things if he is in the working mindset, though he will almost always soften up for the girls. He has almost no patience at all and views everyone else's mistakes as unacceptable while viewing his own as either 1) someone else's, 2) a result of his rough and drug/alcohol related home life, or 3) merely unfortunate.

When he's in the mindset to get things done, anyone in his way is made very clear of it and he views himself as always having the right-of-way. Anyone slacking is scolded. Anyone performing a task in which he is cooperating in who makes a mistake is given very few chances before he takes over, though his mistakes are ignored. If someone is waiting on him, he can take all the time he wants and slack off if he feels like it, but there is no patience for anyone wasting any time if he is waiting on them.

The specific event that prompted me to write this happened last week. I work in a motor home manufacturing factory and prep them to be painted. I also help put the pinstripe designs on them. This task requires one person to "pull" the tape, or hold the roll and guide it to follow where the line should go, and one person to "push" it onto the wall from the beginning to end of that line. Almost anyone can push, but it takes skill to pull. I've recently been learning this skill and have gotten pretty decent at it. Of course, any bumps are usually "my fault" when either pushing or pulling, but I just ignore him. Monte and I will lay out the design on every other coach while Marty and Laci do the ones we don't. Normally the people in a team take turns pulling and pushing for each other. Monte takes a lot of time off work because of hard home life, so I get to pull for Marty (very cool and nice guy in his 50s) in Monte's absence and do much better with Marty because he is such a supportive person. The only reason I'm stuck with Monte is because Laci stubbornly refuses to work with him.

Anyway, the last coach we did was on a day Monte was at work and my boss wanted Monte to pull because he was "out of practice". That was okay with me. I had been getting praised for my good work recently and that was a very rare thing, so I was feeling good, especially that Monte had to practice it. The next coach that was ours was when this incident happened. Because of new designs coming out, the stations before us were behind and we dropped the number of coaches we made per week. Our boss made an unusual proposition that if we finished the coach before the end of the day, we could go home early. Naturally, everyone was trying to finish as soon as possible. Monte was being more bossy than usual. One of my co-workers told me that Monte said he was going to pull this one. But it was my turn. Instead of confronting Monte, I went to the boss and asked him whom he wanted to pull and push. He asked who pulled last time and I said Monte did. He said that I should. I told him that Monte said he was going to, most likely because he's more experienced at it and thinks he can get it done faster. He probably can, but I'm not so sure anymore. Anyway, since my boss also has a weaker personality than Monte, he said that I should just work it out with him.

When it came to lay the design out, he assumed the roll of puller, to which I said, "I'm going to pull." He disagreed. I said that he pulled last time. He said he knew and left it at that. I didn't know what else to say. I could tell he was already getting impatient. I wanted to prove I could do it just as quickly as he did, but he made me doubt myself and be afraid of failing at proving it to him. I might have been okay with letting him pull this one only for the sake of getting done as soon as possible, but what I don't like is that he just takes over, even when it's not his call to make. I caved in and assumed the roll of pusher, but not before adding "so we're not a team, then?" He said that we were and we would still take turns other times. I later got pulled away to do something else that a higher up boss wanted done, and when I returned, I told Marty, who had taken over in my absence, that he could continue because I didn't feel like pushing for Monte today.

My initial feeling is that I want to be toward him how he is toward me. I find myself asking myself what he would do if I was treating him how he treats me. Then I tell myself that I'm being stupid because I don't want to be like him. I don't want a strong bully personality. I want a strong steadfast personality. I want a strong version of my personality. I want to be able to be firmly polite. This is one of the only things I dislike about myself. Is there any advice you can give me? It would be much appreciated.